Ok guys, so I am going to be brutally honest with you. I am terrified. Why? Well, that's what I don't understand. I was practically fear free when I was 8 months along with my daughter. This is my 3rd. pregnancy, second baby and for some reason I can't wrap my finger around...I'm a' shakin' in my space boots ya'll!
Now if you have attended any child birth class you have heared of this concept. You feel pain -which leads to fear -which leads to tension. With the birth of my daughter it honestly felt like those three things didn't exsist. I WANT THAT BRAVE WOMAN BACK! I don't KNOW what has gotten into me these past couple of days but all I can seem to focus on is the pain, fear, and tension I am already feeling! Eeep! I realize that whatever I am doing to prepare myself for this big event now, will 100% determine how I do in the labor and delivery room. At least that I CAN be sure of!
I know that I am just worrying about everything for nothing and that everything is going to be awesome. But it helps to blog it out. These past 7 months have FLOWN by WAY to quickly. I was telling my husband Jonathan that I wish some days I could just go back a few weeks and stay there. With every passing week my anxiety builds and my fears grow. I have been filling my soul jam packed full of Scripture after Scripture and have had my nose planted in my Bible for months on end -and I do NOT intend to stop. Spending time in the word of God has been my glue that has held my head on straight and has kept my emotions in check.
What I am terrified of is not necessarily the whole labor pains, bright lights, gloved hands, pushing type stuff... it's the unknown. You have heared it said, "Every pregnancy and labor and delivery experience is different, just like every child is different." Well, this wouldn't be so stinking scary if I knew what to expect this time around too -but I don't. Plum fact. (Excuse my hill billy jargon, i've lived in rural Missouri for 8 years, it rubs off.)
Bottom line is-there WILL be pain. And there WILL be a baby. The end result is what I'm nervous about. Will the baby and I make it through good? How long will recovery have to be this time afterwards toting around a newborn and toddler? Will it slow it down? Or somehow speed it up? I have just got SO many unknown questions and I am anxious to find out the answers.
Every morning I like to have what I call, a S.O.A.P. study. S.O.A.P. stands for, "Scripture, Observation, Application and Prayer. A morning without this quiet time and I go loony toony. Anyhow, in this morning's quiet time I read from Philippians chapter 4:11, as well as went ahead and read that whole chapter.
It talked about how I need to be content in all circumstances. Whether good or bad. I always must choose to be, "OK" (content) with it. I SO needed that this morning. That was my Scripture and observation, my application was me deciding that i would quote this Scripture to myself everyday -especially in those moments that I am doing something I do NOT want to do and/or going some place I do NOT want to be.
So I thought, ah, how very fitting! In some ways I do NOT want to give birth in 7 weeks (in some ways though, of COURSE I do! It's just that amazing) and in some ways I do NOT want to be at the hospital popping out a 7 pounder and trying to figure out how to eat, nurse, take care of my toddler's needs, and sleep all at the same time for those first few weeks. "But I am LEARNING (paraphrase) to be content in whatever situation I'm in."
I thank God for God. And I thank God for His word. Without it I would be more lost than an albino in a snow storm. (Nothing against albinos I think you all rock!) :)
Are you finding it difficult today to be content with the situation your in right now? Is it a loss of a loved one? Have you just recently found out you have been diagnosed with cancer? Or is it maybe that your son has just left for war? Whatever it may be -make Pilippians 4:11 your go to Scripture. The next time you find yourself worrying, being filled with doubts, anxiety, fear, confusion, anger -whatever the emotion, whatever the situation -BE CONTENT. After all, where does worrying get you?
Leave it in God's hands. Don't worry. Be content.
It IS okay. We just have to start believing that ourselves! Hope is stronger than fear. Would you put your trust and hope in Jesus with me today? You'll be glad you did. :)