|After fall. 2 weeks post op!|
The newness of life at times can be a bit overwhelming logistically but each new day brings us closer to feeling more at ease. We're getting there! Since this is going to be our temp. house we have not unpacked everything. It would be an absolute dream to be able to live here because it is so beautiful but God's plans are always better than mine. So I think I am just going to practice contentment and not scratch my head pondering the future when I've got things I need to be thinking about right in the here and now.
Church this morning was wonderful. This has been our family's second Sunday here so far and we are thoroughly enjoying getting to know everyone and build new friendships and are very slowly but surely get plugged into different things. It's a nice feeling being on this side of ministry where our family can get fed Spiritually. It's an opportunity each day here for rest that we don't hesitate to take. We are not planning to get too heavily involved at this point but as doors begin to open up in the near future we will pray about it some more as to what God wants of us and what doors he wants us to walk through. Thy will be done not ours, Lord.
It's all been good changes so far. Speaking of change.....
In my last post I wrote a little bit about how I am feeling and how I am handling things with my daughter post op. There has def. been many new changes with her since the day of surgery. Tomorrow (Monday, September 8th 2014) will mark 2 weeks since surgery. I bring this up because I felt the need to clarify some things with everyone about what was written.
I wrote that blog post from my heart. It wasn't meant to be a post that I expected huge response from or great understanding from. It was a post written from my own personal perspective about my daughter and the situation as a whole. I wrote about my feelings and those raw emotions that have sprung up since surgery as a way to help myself figure out and work out my own feelings. It was a deeply personal post which is why it may have made you scratch your head. Just for the sake of clarification: I wasn't saying that I dislike my daughter and the way she looks. Let there be no confusion... I love my daughter just as much maybe even more than I did before surgery. I think she is beautiful and honestly even more beautiful now than pre-surgery inside and on the outside. I love her deeply and dearly and am coping with all of her changes very well. I feel like I have finally come to the point now where I am more accepting of the fact that okay, Tina, this happened. Your daughter has had major surgery and she is alright now. She will never be the same again but that is not a bad thing and it's O.K. She is still your baby and she is still God's. I just think it took a while for me to wrap my head around the whole situation and re-learn how to feel. For awhile there my emotions were just neutral. I am learning how to feel again and how to cope with the whirlwinds that rise up from time to time a lot more effectively and with a better attitude. And by, "whirlwinds" I mean, Abigail's bath time, changing her clothes, tending to her scar, (the first time I but her ointment on it I cried and sobbed.) etc. etc. All of those things that used to cause an even bigger emotional whirlwind in the hospital when I was just trying to re-learn how to care for my baby. You see, because those simple things were a no brainier before but now I am having to be extra careful and always am having to have this extra level of attentiveness to ensure she is doing well. It's quite the challenge having a almost three year old but that's why sometimes it's easier to let her just be and include her. Showing her how she can help Momma take care of little sissy too. Not giving her a great load of responsibilities but just enough to where I know she isn't feeling left out or third wheel.
I think through all of this I am learning to let go and let God. That is a very cliche saying we hear it everywhere...and really, that's all it was to me before. I honestly thought I was letting go of my control before all of these happenings and letting God move and do a work in my life but looking back now in hindsight I can see that I gave him only a part of the wheel and I was still wanting to do some of the navigating.
Since being here and since all that God has brought us through thus far, I truly feel like my hands are no longer on the wheel. Life's roads are a lot easier to drive on when the only person holding the steering wheel is Jesus. When two people try to hold on to one wheel to steer one vehicle, sure you will get to where you are going but the ride will be so much smoother and so much more simple if you just let the driver lead.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. Your good thoughts and kind words of encouragement, your gifts and your cards. We feel the love! We love you all. God bless.
*Next update... how things are coming along for me in seminary and the new and exciting opportunities opening up for me there and at home!*