Saturday, December 1, 2012

Pile Of PW's

So it's no surprise being a Pastor's wife is not an easy job. We have our ups and downs. And with every  person comes a different idea of what a Pastor's wife is. Here I have scooped up just a handful of some PW's (Pastor's Wives) personalities  and there sometimes expected roles within the Church. These are just a few types of Pastor's wives; out of piles and piles of different personalities in different Churches all around the world. All of which we can learn from!

The piano player/ Who is expected to be able to know how to play ALL the hymns and not just play, but play WELL! This is a common misconception. Sorry to break it to those of you who think every Pastor's wife comes fully equipped with a symphony in her fingertips! For me, this is not the case. It would be a miracle just to get, "hot crossed buns down!".
2. The nursery worker/ Who either has children so should already know how to care for them, or who doesn't have children so she shouldn't be too busy too. Hate to break it to ya' but we are busy anyway! Children or not! Pastor's wives have big responsibilities too! Mainly behind the scenes. We would love to teach your little ones about Jonah and bake cookies for snack time prior to that but we simply don't have enough "self" to spread around.
3. The shy one/ Who is getting pressured all of the time to do more, to speak out, to get involved in Church functions, to start a women's ministry, lead worship, clean the church, lead a children's choir, anything to get her talking! This type of Pastor's wife always has something good to say, and who's heart is usually very sweet and tender. Communication isn't always upfront. "Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is considered prudent." (Prov. 17:28)We can all learn something from this type of Pastor's wife.
4. The not so shy one!/ Who is always the life of the party and can light up any room she enters. However, not everyone is accepting of her outgoing bubbly personality. Some may take it too strong and would rather her be quiet for once in her life maybe feeling as though she isn't conducting herself the way a Pastor's wife should. While others enjoy her passion and vibrant company. This type of Pastor's wife is usually the first to jump at anything! If your needing a cook for an upcoming potluck, she'll bring the whole meal! If your looking for someone to lead a youth girls Bible study session and can't find anyone else to do it, you bet she'll be writing down her notes for the session even before you ask! She thinks ahead, never quits but often, this type of personality has the tendency to take on too much which is something every Pastor's wife needs to be careful not to do. I can learn something from her too.
5. The Submissive one/ Who is never acknowledged  never appreciated, never speaks. This type of Pastor's wife will do it all without grumbling. Will show utmost respect for her Husband as Pastor, contagious reverence for the Lord, and a sweet compassion for the lost. This type of Pastor's wife is usually always very kind. However, may be holding a lot of hurt and quite possibly bitterness inside from not being able to speak out and has maybe gathered a bunch of strong sorrowful emotions due to her overly-submissive behavior. While a Pastor's wife like this no doubt has good intentions, she must be very careful not to create herself into a living doormat to be stepped on. It's good to be submissive but it can get extreme. It's okay to be your own person, with your own ideas, and your own goals. A lot of times a Pastor's wife like this gets so caught up in her husband's calling, she forgets her own. So she needs to be very careful. (I made this mistake when first starting out).
6. The not so submissive one!/ Now this type of Pastor's wife isn't careful enough! We are talking a complete and total opposite of the Submissive Pastor's wife. This type of Pastor's wife will be the first to jump on on a Sunday morning in the middle of her husband's sermon just to correct him. What she really is doing though is making a spectacle of herself. She is never at peace with any decisions made and is constantly sharing her opinions and confronting people with her index finger pointed toward anyone who isn't willing to take her side. She is quick to speak and slow to listen. I can learn something from her too! DON'T be her.
7. The mature one/ Who is elderly, sensible, self-controlled, wise, personable, caring, loving and most of all supportive -not only to her Husband but to everyone. You can be sure that this type of Pastor's wife will pick you up when you fall, be on her knees when you need prayer (She may even have an actual list and get up every morning at 6:00am to intercede!). Who knows what amazing things she is capable of! There is no doubt that she will go the extra mile for her Husband and the congregation she blesses each day with her wise council and cheerful countenance. This type of Pastor's wife becomes almost the, "Mother figure" of the Church. Everyone rises to call her blessed and young and old alike treat her with utmost respect for all she does and for how much she invests in the lives of others around her. I definitely could learn a thing or two about her and I wouldn't mind sitting for hours on end in this type of Pastor's wife's presence. It is Pastor's wives like her that leave a lasting impact on everyone in ministry -especially the young Pastor's wife.

8. And then there's me... the young one/ I guess my age can be an advantage at times but this is not always true. Every now and again I'll hit a bump in the road because of such and such reason. It can be a hard spot when your surrounded by so many different types of Pastor's/preacher's wives and feel like you can't relate. At least all these personalities above have something in common -they're seasoned! It isn't easy folks! It's not every day that you hear of a young Pastor's wife like me on the field getting together with other women her age. I would give almost anything for that fellowship. In the meantime, I will remember this Scripture and hold it close to my heart, " Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. " And I will continue to learn from these many examples. The good, and the not so good because every Pastor's wife has something to bring to the table. And there can be a good lesson learned from observing each one. I wanted to say that I have a lot to learn. I am no better than the next. I am not perfect and as a Pastor's wife have hurt a lot of people. I have abused my role many times without realizing it. I know I have offended many, and have hurt many, and for those of you reading this that have felt this way I publicly apologize for my behavior and I wanted to let you know that those of you who do come to me and share with me things that you don't like about me, I wanted to let you know I appreciate you!!! If it weren't for people like you I would continue in my foolish ways and not learn from my mistakes. Learning from my mistakes helps me to grow. A lot of you out there have picked a part things about me that aren't right. Things that I should be more careful about, things that I should do differently. As a young Pastor's wife it's really easy to have the attitude, "Oh well, forget them I don't care I can't live up to their expectations, so I 'm not even going to try to improve." I feel like we need to try to improve and to view those who approach us with opinions as blessings in disguise. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and allow others to shoot us down because we can learn from our critics. I have been a Pastor's wife for almost 2 years, I am 22, and a mother on top of it all. My plate is full but so is my heart. For those of you that know me I pray that even when I can't get it right, you'll look past my faults because as you know, Pastor's wives make mistakes just like everyone else. We aren't always going to get it just right. This has been a learning process for me, and will continue to be. No matter where the waves of ministry carry me. The ups and downs sometimes will rock the boat, but I must remember...that in these storms of life God is there. Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes He just rides it out with us. But one thing we can always be sure of is He will never let go.


  1. This is interesting! I like the different personalities. My father in law is a pastor. We spent the first 12 years of our marriage in his church and I was NOT prepared for the pressures and challenges and notoriety of being in such a glass bowl. I love your blog! I'm looking forward to reading more posts. :)


    Hello April! I hear ya! I grew up in a similar light. My Dad was interim as well as a fill in at a lot of different churches that all were very diverse. I felt it prepared me for what I am doing now. It was challenging and sometimes uncomfortable to get so much attention as a child. But God knew what He was doing and it really prepared me for what I was meant for. It reminds me of that verse..Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."


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