I'm good at a lot of things. I am probably the best at worrying. I don't trust God enough. If the store had an isle where I could pick up a box of faith, it would take the entire stock to keep me believing! But they don't sell faith in stores. It's something I just have to choose to have over fear. What is faith? Faith is believing in your heart what your eyes can't see and taking active steps to conquer that fear(s). Fear is scaring yourself pee-less until your white as a sheet. I think I'll choose the first one. One because bladder incontinence is no fun (yes, after two kids close together I am familiar with it) and I prefer to have at least a little color in my face.
Faith is my golden ticket to peace of mind in the middle of life's crazy. It gives me new eyes to see and a clear head. Unlike fear, that darkens my view and confuses and causes me to doubt. Having a child with Craniosynostosis I think has helped my faith increase. That is one of the many things I am thankful about it. There is just something about falling on a hard time that really has this way of shaking you to your core and really making you think. There is nothing quite like a good long trial to bring you to your knees. I am thankful for it. If I wasn't going through this I would probably still have my head in the clouds.
It keeps me grounded. Having to struggle with this battle between faith and fear constantly keeps my head level and my feet firmly planted. It sounds crazy but because of the trial in some ways I feel like it is keeping me stable and solid in my walk with God. I don't feel like I have ever been closer to the embrace of my Savior. Best part is, his arms are ready to embrace me and comfort me whenever I need it. Currently, that is every second. never want him to let me go. Sometimes though God does feel distant... but in some way, I know that is when he truly is closest.
"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
Choosing to have faith is much more enjoyable than letting fear control you and take you as prisoner. I like it much better. There are a whole lot of unknowns ahead for my little daughter. I can't see any of what is to come. That's scary. But having faith takes the edge off...
No matter what the outcome or what the future holds...
No matter how many times I fear...
No matter how many times I fail...
No matter how many times I fall...
One thing is for sure...
By the Grace of God...
I am always going to get right back up.
Craniosynostosis may be shaking my world... but it can't shake my faith.
God. Is. In. Control.
All I need to do now is...
Let. It. Go.
Just let it go.
God's got this.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5
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